Know No Neighbors!

I drove down the picturesque Mumbai-Pune Expressway, thinking about the meeting that had gone well that day, the client that we had bagged, and longing for a hot shower and a good book. Taking the sharp bend where the expressway ends and Pune begins, I smiled as I remembered how, not so long back, this little stretch was a deserted piece of land, with a single two-lane road running through it, the monotony interspersed by the occasional village kaka wobbling past on a decrepit bicycle, or the desultory horn of an aging truck. Today, thanks to the super-boom of real estate that Pune and other similar Indian cities are experiencing, this once-desolate stretch of Wakad has turned into an unrecognizable melee of construction and hoardings promising swanky lifestyles to Pune’s up and coming urban populace.

As I indulged in some old-fashioned mental head-shaking, my eye fell upon a hoarding advertising a new set of condos slated to be built. It looked just like all the other hoardings that were fast eating up the Pune skyline, except for the tagline that got my attention. It read, “Know No Neighbours”, and went on to extoll the virtues of this exclusive condominium that promised peace, quiet, freedom from nosy neighbours.

And complete social isolation.

I won’t dwell upon the thought behind the advertising campaign, but it got me thinking about how this little tagline reflected the growing preference among more and more young Indian couples to maintain socially (and financially) independent family setups. Admittedly, members of my generation still do maintain strong bonds with parents and siblings, but the constant physical and emotional proximity that ruled supreme in our growing-up years is fast becoming a thing of the past. Our kids have active social lives of their own – physical as well as virtual – and are happy to be dealt out the annual summer vacation visit to Grandpa’s and the occasional family wedding where the entire clan gathers. After a week of old-fashioned revelry it’s back to work…and life.

So what can us modern families do to keep alive the benefits of large family setups, while enjoying the lifestyles of independent units? Won’t it be great to find the quintessential ‘best of both worlds’? I don’t have the answer. But I can share some little things that we as a family ensure, to stay connected with each other and our larger social support structures:

•  Conversations: In our family of four, I along with my husband and parenting partner have made a basic rule to have at least one meal together at the dining table. This usually being dinner, it is a time when both of us try and make sure we are back from work, the kids finish their homework and playtime, and the four of us sit down to a half-hour of eating and chatting together (Note to aspirants: Don’t let the meal-time antics of a 3 year old deter you from your noble purpose…remember, this too shall pass!)
•  Listening: A good conversation is often lost for want of good listening. As parents, we pick up many signals of how our kids feel and what’s the latest in school just by actually listening as our kids jabber on about apparently non-relevant stuff. I try this a lot when I have to glean out how my 6-year-old is actually feeling about school, his new best friends, and anything else that’s on his mind.
• Being non-judgmental: Easier said than done, especially at a time when we are under the constant scrutiny of other parents, and somehow the measure of successful parenting boils down to your kids academic performance or leadership prowess. Without realizing, we start pressuring our kids to start living up to these standards. When this happens, we lose the chance to figure out what a child is really good at, and how to support his/her journey of self-discovery and individual achievement.
•  The joy of virtual connections: Once every week, my husband fires up his laptop, connects his best speakers to it, and logs on to Skype. The kids are all ready for this Saturday night sojourn, so they quickly line up as their dad dials in to his parents. As their grand-parents’ faces fill the screen, the kids quickly take over and for the next half-hour, it’s them with their grand-parents as the two of us fade in the background. Updates about school, friends, the latest in playground politics fly across cyberspace as distance vanishes for those 30 minutes. Is it the best experience – maybe not, the face-to-face interaction being always preferable. But it makes do as we wait for the annual visits.

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Anamika Dasgupta Sharma is one of the co-founders of "The Potter's Earth". 

Having worked with Corporate Giants for more than a decade, Anamika realised her true calling to help empower the young generation of the Country. She is extremely passionate towards helping the youth realize their true potential through a journey of self discovery.